Here at Anonymous Phone Bone, we want to foster a community of improvement. Our vision is of a thriving society filled with selfless members whom focus on eudemonia, or "human flourishing". Perhaps this is too much to ask, I know personally how profoundly difficult it is to think of others and not only of my own selfish reasons and desires. That being said, our most consuming ambition is to awaken closed minds, nurture open minds, promote sexual adventurousness, cultivate competence and confidence, and facilitate learning through the loss of one's own self imposed belief structure. In congruence with this spirit, this guide was created. Please enjoy.
- Relax and get comfortable. Self awareness is very important. Analyze what you are feeling and why. Societal conditioning and self consciousness are two common sources of discomfort and anxiety. If you're feeling self conscious, it may be helpful to remember that people are not thinking about you. Generally people's thoughts often focus on what you are thinking about them. If you're worried about any social stigma, it can be helpful to decide for yourself what you consider right and wrong and remember that someone's opinion of you really has no impact on who you are as a person. By observing any sources of discomfort and negativity, it is often simply a matter of changing your world view to make those feelings dwindle.
- Escalate slowly to sexuality. It takes time to establish a connection with a person. Relationships do not happen over night, they take time and patience. For some people, this may mean you should carefully observe and control your sexual hunger. Have you ever felt threatened by a homeless person, even if there really is no threat? There is something about an encounter with a needy individual that triggers a person's self preservation mechanisms. I know when I see a needy person, I can't help but wonder what measures they're capable of in order to quench their need. Neediness is unattractive, control it. Learn to observe a person out of genuine curiosity and not in terms of what a person can do for you.
- Do escalate to sexuality. Some people escalate to sexuality too quickly and for others the problem is that they don't escalate at all. Do not be afraid to push boundaries. Life becomes much more fun and interesting when you create and take chances. In my experience, being timid and taking the safe road results in boredom, the bane of existence! Do not allow fear of rejection to influence your behaviour.
- Avoid mundane topics. It's normal to talk about boring topics to break the ice. Things like work and the weather are easy neutral topics for getting to know another person. Don't dwell too long in this stage though, quickly transition to more interesting and emotional topics. Past and current relationships, memorable sexual experiences, and unique life stories are among the many topics that will keep both parties attentive and interested.
- Discover your partner's fantasies. I remember a time when I was hanging out with a friend and a new acquaintance. My friend ended up having to go run some errands, so this new acquaintance and I were left alone with one another. He was very shy and I soon noticed how difficult it was to strike up a lasting conversation with the fellow. Somewhere along the line he mentioned vehicle motors. Now, granted, I know nothing about motor vehicles, but as soon as I delved a bit deeper, I could not get the man to shut up. People want to talk about what interests them. It can be very difficult to get people to open up, but be curious and be persistent. Use vagueness, euphemisms, cleverness, examples, and a good listening ear as tools to assist you in getting partners to open their hearts and minds.
- Create fantasies together. Creating a new reality together can add loads of excitement to a phone bone session. Immerse yourselves in the imaginative world constructed. Maybe one partner can lead the imagination, or partners can take turns doing a back and forth contributing their unique vision to the adventure. Learn to be comfortable with the power to lead the imagination and give yourself permission to be sexually expressive.
- Improve aural projection. Enunciate your words and articulate your expressions clearly. Learn to speak with a slow and calm seductive rhythm with rising and falling tones. Add pauses into your speech for emphasis and fun. "I really want you to come.......and do the dishes." Men, you can spark unconscious sexual responses within women by using a deep resonant tone. When your doing it right, you can feel vibrations from your chest and on up through your throat. Women, you'll have to experiment and shoot us an email to update this section with what you find!
- Convey arousal vocally. Heavy breathing, moaning, and a bedroom voice are great for causing your partner to shift into a sexual state. Simply planting the thought of sexuality in one's mind is enough to release sexual hormones throughout their body. Naturally, should one's mind start to linger on thoughts of sex, that person's body will start to prepare itself for sex.
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Use detailed and rich sensory descriptions. This is a more advanced skill, likely to be more attainable by people with powerful linguistic abilities. Appeal to the basic human senses: sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound. This can awaken and capture a partner's imagination and bring to mind past memories with which the sensory details they themselves have experienced. The following is quote from the movie Bottle Shock and is an exemplary display of detailed and rich sensory descriptions:
"Wine is sunlight held together by water. It all begins with the soil... the vine... the grape. The smell of the vineyard, like inhaling birth. It awakens some ancestral...some primordial, anyway some deeply imprinted and probably subconscious place in my soul."
- Be persistent and practice. With any talent, you've got to get out there, practice and experience if you want real improvement. Again, do not allow fear to dictate your behavior. Looking foolish while you learn and experience is all part of the process. This article will give you a starting point from which one may learn to arouse another effectively over the phone, but your own effort and experience is the source that will manifest it in your life.
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